STARGAZER:

A View Into My Universe

In Search of Self

I can’t really find myself because I was never lost. Yet I didn’t use to be the person I am now and can’t quite figure out how that happened. In my marriage, I was the planner and the organizer, whereas my husband was the spontaneous one who would sometimes drag me into random adventures. Although I wasn’t “kicking and screaming,” I was too often grouchy and resistant. Today I was invited to our local fair by my older daughter. Since I’ve lived in this fair town my entire life, I don’t go very frequently; it’s the same old shtick with higher prices, bigger crowds and the high possibility of running into people I know, necessitating social chit chat. I thought about needing to mow my lawn. I’m hosting Book Club this Wednesday; shouldn’t I be cleaning my house instead? Did I do either of those tasks? No, I tossed aside my self-imposed schedule to enjoy the day with OD and two grandsons. The fair is still overpriced and way too popular on the weekend. Since it was over 70 degrees, I saw some quite incredible (ie appalling) outfits. We did run into my husband’s nephew and his family which was a little awkward since we’re mostly estranged from that side of the family. I put on my “teacher” face and was as charming as I could possibly be. Bah!

Older Daughter discovered that she still hates cotton candy. She called it sugary insulation. We wanted some on a stick for the boys to try but couldn’t find it anywhere; we had to buy this big bag of the nasty stuff instead.

The boys (in orange) rode the dragon. Sharky loved it whereas Obro cried the whole time. He wanted to go on it…until the ride started.

It’s adorable how they believe they’re actually steering the cars. Wouldn’t that be something? 🙂

My goal was to buy some scones and avoid going on any rides. As it turns out, I went down the big slide with Sharky TWICE, my first time ever. It was scary getting to the top because I don’t like heights at all! I was very brave, eh?

When I was a child, these pony rides were free; now they cost $15 per child. However, my current motto is, “It’s only money.” You can’t put a price tag on special experiences. I have the luxury of believing that because I do have plenty of money. John would say that I’m extravagant, but I consider a more accurate term to be generous.

The sunny weather means it’s tulip time!

Aren’t these beautiful inside? Painted looking tulips are among my favorites.

At first, I thought this peony style one was pure pink; looking closely though, it has white etching on it. Lovely!

I renewed my passport on-line last week and it’s already arrived! I could’ve chosen to be serious in the photo (scary) or smiled with no teeth (smirking). I decided to be smug and sneaky. LOL I’m also squinting a little without my glasses, not my best look.

Reading: Along with a Welsh mystery in the Evan Warlow series, I’m plugging along in “Theo of Golden,” our May Book Club read. Have any of you ever seen the old series, “Touched by an Angel?” Della Reese was one of the stars (I like her) and I sometimes enjoy cheesy feel-good programs, so I did watch it for a while. This book reminds me of that premise: a couple of angels come down from heaven to help troubled people figure out and solve their problems. There’s also an angel of death in “Touched by an Angel,” ironically played by an actor called John Dye who died of meth intoxication in his late forties. Bizarre! Is Theo an angel? I’m only a third of the way through, so I’m not sure. So far, I don’t love the book although the writing is decent and the characters, unrealistic as they are, are nice enough. I’m hoping for insightful and interesting discussion questions at least…

Comments

45 responses to “In Search of Self”

  1. Marie Avatar
    Marie

    We haven’t been to the Spring Fair since my boys were little. I have a sweatshirt with the boys’ photo on the little train. Sometimes my ex was very thoughtful. Love your flowers!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Older Daughter and the boys went on the little train. We were running out of tickets, so I just watched. 🙂

  2. Linda Avatar

    I am glad you went to the fair and judging from your description and beautiful photos, it looks as if you all enjoyed it.
    You are brave indeed going on the big slide twice.
    I loved the TV show Touched by an Angel. I also loved Highway to Heaven.
    Your flowers are gorgeous.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      We did have a great time! I won’t add up how much we spent though. I’ll focus on the wonderful memories. I also watched Highway to Heaven although I don’t remember that show as well.

      1. Linda Avatar

        Yes, Highway to Heaven is older. I believe Touched by an Angel was inspired by Highway to Heaven.

    2. Margaret Avatar

      Was Highway to Heaven the one with Michael Landon, or some other guy from Little House on the Prairie?

  3. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar

    very brave to go down the slide!!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Not only were there tons of steps to get to the top, but even on a mat, the bumps hurt my rear end! I thought I had plenty of padding. 🙂

  4. Doug M Avatar
    Doug M

    Margaret you are such a fun grandmom! I know you use a different name for that 😏 Anyway, love the photos love the smiles. Yes $15 for a pony ride sounds steep but the photos make it worth it. I really liked your flower and passport pics too, you take a nice picture. 😊👍

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Those boys call me Mémé (maymay), the French word for Grandma while Younger Daughter’s oldest calls me Grandma. I don’t care what they call me as long as they enjoy spending time with me. Oh, Doug, I look so untrustworthy in that passport photo! 🙂 John would have a fit that I spent $10 for two bottled waters–but we were thirsty.

  5. Ed Avatar

    I’ve heard on a site that I participate that passport renewals are extremely fast these days. With everything going on at the upper levels of our government these days, it doesn’t make a lot of sense these days… at least to me. I hope they remain that fast when it comes time to renew mine in another four years.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I was utterly shocked that it came so quickly. Perhaps because it was a renewal and I did everything on-line, including sending my passport photo?

  6. AC Avatar

    I can’t remember when I last had cotton candy.
    I remember Touched a little bit, but I didn’t watch it often.
    Currently watching Person of Interest. It’s old and silly, I guess, but it is not unpleasant escapism.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I knew better than to try it, knowing that I hated the taste and the texture! Escapism is important these days. I’m not into anything heavy or depressing. (although I do still enjoy my police procedurals)

  7. Pixie Avatar

    I think when your partner is spontaneous then it falls on the other partner to be the sensible one and put the brakes on sometimes. Now that your husband is gone, you get to decide when you want to be spontaneous, instead of feeling like you have to put the brakes on?
    I think John is wrong too, you’re not extravagant, you are generous and you worked your whole damned life for that money, do with it as you please woman:)
    I haven’t been to a fair in years either. I loved them as a kid but as you get older, you see more of the reality behind them. I always liked the baking, craft, and flower arranging displays. I don’t know if they still have those though.
    Most importantly, your grandsons had a wonderful time and will remember their grandma going with them:)

    1. Margaret Avatar

      That makes a whole lot of sense! Perhaps my caution was the perfect counterpoint to his spontaneity, which wasn’t always practical or even doable. John has more money than I do but handles it very differently. He spends it in ways I wouldn’t dream of like buying gadgets and *stuff* at garage and estate sales. That’s why his house and garage are now way too full of that *stuff.* LOL On the other hand, I don’t worry about spending money to have experiences, and I gift the maximum to my daughters to help them out as well as contribute to accounts for my grandsons. The baking, flowers, Grange displays, art, photography and more animals are at the September Fair. This one is a much smaller version.

  8. addofio Avatar

    I stopped going to fairs years and years ago after going to the California state fair with some friends and discovering there were NO animal barns! Ok, it was in Sacramento, but still. I used to spend hours slowly browsing through the barns, looking at each animal. Though I have gone a couple of times to the local county fair in my small southern Oregon county where I retired, and rediscovered some of the pleasures, which for me definitely no longer include any of the rides. But at least they have animals 😊. Though they seem to have traded in horses for llamas 🥸.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      The spring fair doesn’t have as many exhibits and animals as the regular one in September. There were animals though and a petting zoo. Camel rides too, which I would never do! Sharky is now into rides, so the outing got much more expensive.

  9. Betty Renfroe Avatar
    Betty Renfroe

    Well, fiddle. I have that book coming and I probably won’t like it.

    Bet the children enjoyed the event. I don’t like county fair like gatherings and try to not attend any. I can’t stand cotton candy. It’s like scraping the blackboard to me. The texture sends chills up my spine.

    You are getting ready for your big adventure. I’m going to the beach with my girls last of May. I tried to decline but Siggie begs. I’m a reluctant traveler.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Most people love the book and I’m only a third of the way through, so I’m not making too many judgments yet. It definitely has a religious feel to it which many can relate to. Having the state fair in my town is great for the grandsons and is allowing me to enjoy it more through their eyes. Going to the beach sounds like an excellent trip; I would love that! It’s a compliment to you that your family wants you to go. ❤️

  10. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    With perfect weather, your day at the fair sounds delightful. In my opinion, watching and joining the boys explore and find new interests is time and money well spent. Sharky into rides will only grow more and more. He likes the thrill. Obro, not so much now, but that might change in a year or two. The pony rides make a nice intro to horses. One or both of the boys might like horseback riding lessons.
    These adventures encourage exploration and I think that’s a very good thing.
    Your tulips are beautiful. I love all the intricate detail and colors in the tulip petals. You have a fabulous collection of tulips.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Thank you! I do love my tulips, both for their variety of colors and styles. They are something to look forward to after the dreariness of winter! You’re absolutely right about exposing the boys to all sorts of activities and interests. Who knows what they will develop a passion for? It was well worth the money to see their joy and excitement.

  11. JT Twissel Avatar

    Looks like fun! At least for the boys. $15 a pony ride does sound extravagant but horses are very expensive to take care of these years. Most of the riding stables in our area have closed.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      The grandsons are too young to really understand money. At least I had free passes to get in and we didn’t pay for parking. 👍We weren’t intending to spend money on food, but the boys really wanted corn dogs. You’re right about the horses. This area used to be way more agricultural, and there were lots of farms. Now it’s warehouses like Amazon and Boeing and other huge concrete monstrosities.

  12. Anne Bennett Avatar

    We are still growing and changing and are coming to recognize that these moments with our grandchildren won’t be forever. Good for you!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I definitely don’t want to miss any moments with them! Even if they cost me lots of money. 🤑

  13. Maureen Avatar
    Maureen

    I’m with Pixie – we’ve worked long and hard for our $ – spreading it around is a generosity of spirit and an act of joy! Yay for tulips – they are such a welcome sight in spring. Your pictures always look wonderful – even OD’s reaction to cotton candy – that is vile stuff!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I’m fortunate enough not to have money worries. I can be generous paying for experiences and things for my loved ones and it makes me happy to do so. A win-win! I do love seeing all the tulips and wish they lasted longer. They don’t like this current 70 degree sunshine!

  14. Steve Avatar

    Well, this sent me down a rabbit hole reading about John Dye, who I didn’t remember at all. I watched “Touched By an Angel” a couple of times because I also liked Della Reese, but I found the whole premise intolerably corny. Speaking of which, I love a corn dog, so it’s great to see the boys enjoying those! Funny photo of the cotton candy.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Oh, it was definitely corny while also being predictable in happy endings. (as I recall) However, now I’m wondering about the role of the Angel of Death. I love corn dogs too although I would be dipping mine in mustard, my favorite condiment. Cotton candy is horrible!

  15. Midwest Mark Avatar

    As much as I like sticking to my own self-imposed schedule, I have to admit, whenever I choose a random adventure instead, I always have a great time!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      My older daughter says I have a type and perhaps that’s the type of guy I need. Since I taught for 37 years, I’m very into planning and scheduling, but the man I married and the ones I’ve dated are much more random and spontaneous.

  16. kayak woman Avatar

    I often feel a bit grouchy and out of sorts when someone surprised me with a spontaneous event. If I “sit with it” for a few minutes (usually doesn’t take long), I’m usually up for whatever it is. Well, probably not sky-diving or something 🙂

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Yes, exactly! It takes me a while to adjust to the idea and sometimes I say no. Or with late husband I would tell him, “Find a friend!” Fishing, jeeping in the mountains on high roads, golfing–no thanks.

  17. Matt Shifley Avatar

    I love that you ditched the house cleaning for the Big Slide—that is a major victory! Braving heights twice for Sharky proves you’re a total rockstar of a grandmother. I’m with you on the ‘generosity’ front, too; mowing the lawn can wait, but those memories with the boys are priceless. It’s so exciting that your passport arrived already—Ireland is calling! Also, that ‘Angel of Death’ trivia was wild; I had no idea!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      The first time was the worst although my legs were tired from all the steps. I should have counted them! Most chores can wait–not all. Being retired gives me much more flexibility. We still have no flights to Ireland–that’s next on my list.

  18. Janis @ RetirementallyChallenged.com Avatar

    I haven’t been to our local Fair in a few years and mentioned to my husband this morning that I’d like to go this year. No kids, so no danger of having to go on rides OR eating cotton candy (ick!). I love your peony style tulips. Peonies are my favorite flower. Unfortunately, we can’t grow them here… but maybe tulips?

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I wish I’d bought more of the peony style! I didn’t think I would like them much since they don’t look like a traditional tulip. John and I have had great times at the Fair when it’s just adults; we rarely spend any money. We look at the flowers, Grange exhibits, vendors, animals, art and photography. We buy one scone a piece and usually get out of the fair for under $10.

  19. Jay Avatar
    Jay

    OD and the cotton candy pick is great. I think the sticky factor is almost as bad as the oversweetness. Our son was prepping bags of cotton candy for a AA baseball team he worked for. It was a very large bowl/ vat that spun the cotton while you twirled it. In the middle of the production the wind came up and he was covered in the stuff.
    Good to hear passports are quick. I think mine expires next year.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      It is sticky indeed! Obro decided he didn’t like it and handed the clump of it to me; I found a garbage can ASAP! Your son must have been very sticky. I didn’t want to wait too long, not knowing how much time it would take. I was pleasantly surprised.

  20. J Avatar

    LOL about the crummy cotton candy. Did the boys like it?

    $15 for a pony ride? WOW.

    I tend to get stuck in an idea of what I’m going to do on a particular day, but I’m able to let it go if something better comes along. It does take me a few minutes to get there though! I’m glad you went to the faire, it looks like a fun day.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Sharky did and Obro thought he did, then changed his mind. :)I get stuck in my routine too but can usually adapt after a while. It wasn’t even a very long pony ride! The boys enjoyed it though.

  21. Siobhan Avatar
    Siobhan

    Since I was widowed I have found I want to stay home more , and socialise less . We had a PhD party for my daughter this weekend – she knew it would be a challenge for me , so bought a tee shirt that she insisted I wear ( and which drew a lot of comments )
    It says
    Sorry I’m late – I didn’t want to come

    Siobhan

    1. Margaret Avatar

      That’s a great tee-shirt, like my late husband’s, “Do I look like a people person?” (note: he didn’t!) Hope you had a decent time at the party. Congratulations to your daughter!

Leave a Reply to MargaretCancel reply

Discover more from STARGAZER:

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading