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Truthism

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by

Margaret

Happy May!? This month brings birthdays, annuals planting, a transition into summer and this year in particular– TOO MUCH STRESS. Today was Older Daughter’s last day of work at her toxic state government job before going on a couple months leave. After that, who knows? I sure don’t and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t either. Sigh. Younger Daughter has bought a house that she can ill afford, the first one she looked at (pulls out hair) and will be moving out of her house, my rental, soon. But the specific dates and details are murky. Sharky’s 6th birthday party is coming up and I innocently mentioned it to several people, including Younger Daughter, not realizing that it was only for schoolmates and grandparents. So, there will probably be hurt feelings. Why didn’t Older Daughter inform me of this change to our party routines? I assumed, and that made a you-know-what out of me, as well as putting me in the middle. To add to that, my nearly 30-year old rhododendron in the front flowerbed is dying or dead. My late husband scoured the town to find me my favorite color one, “Old Copper.” I have no idea why it’s dying; I thought it was indestructible. I guess nothing is.

Screenshot

Here is Old Copper in better days.

The 2026 version has every leaf curled and shriveled and not a single bloom. At first, I was distraught, but then thought, “I can get a different rhododendron; there are many beautiful ones.” A while later, I had a revelation: I don’t have to put another rhody in there at all! My late husband was the one who loved them whereas I am indifferent; they don’t bloom for long (gloriously though) and are messy afterward. So…now what?

A few of the tulips are holding on; (un)fortunately, our weather forecast is for 70s up to low 80s for the next week which will destroy them. Up next: bearded irises.

Mari hasn’t quite forgiven me for her stay in the Cat Condo at the vet; the so-called condo was more of a large cage, and she’s definitely used to the freedom to sit, lie, perch and stretch out on any piece of furniture or pillow in the whole house!

My old house/rental where YD currently lives has several healthy and beautiful rhodies. I can’t help but feel a little envious.

I love this two toned one although the leaves look wonky, don’t they?

YD’s daycare was closed today, so Daddy stepped in for the morning, and I got the afternoon with these darling boys. Anders enjoyed rolling his dump truck and garbage truck down the slide, finding “wishies” (dandelions) in the yard and blowing them around and entertaining me by finding every ant and other bug on his big toy. As I reminded him, outside is where they live; this is their home.

Ian is obsessed with Anders and Older Brother has warmed up to him!

Tummy time for Grandma!

Don’t judge; I’m looking rough after my extraordinary but hectic day with my younger boys. They are such a treasure! Every moment with them is precious.

“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.” ~ W. Somerset Maugham

Comments

41 responses to “Truthism”

  1. Doug M Avatar
    Doug M

    Wow–that’s pretty big news about both OD & YD! Younger daughter really bought a house?? I suppose you can probably charge a higher rent now for your property Margaret, will she still be close by? I have to tell you, I loved those pics of Anders and Baby Ian–Anders is growing up fast and Ian’s big eyes are such a joy, the precious little fella!! PS I always enjoy seeing your lovely home, even if… and Mari is looking better.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Thanks, Doug–they are sweet boys and I love spending the day with them. It’s tiring though! Mari is leery of me whenever I approach her. She’s afraid of her medication and the cat carrier. She’s starting to warm up to me again though. I can charge a higher rent but won’t. I don’t need the money, and housing is nearly unaffordable here as it is.

      Reply
  2. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    Mari is so beautiful. Beautiful photos. I wish you all the best.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Mari is very beautiful–so sleek and shiny. Thank you, I’m hoping for the best but also preparing for the not-so-best.

      Reply
  3. Jay Avatar
    Jay

    The leaves on your old copper are doing just what ours did. It was an extremely fast decline from beautiful to nothing. I’m not sure yet what our replacement will be.
    Jobs and houses are big decisions! I thought our son should have shopped around more when they chose their current house, but he felt pressed for time, with just a few days in a city they were moving to to make a choice. I suggested renting first to provide time to find a place, but that didn’t happen. They are making the house they chose work, at least for the next few years.

    Reply
    1. Siobhan Avatar
      Siobhan

      There is no experience like “ parenting “ adult children
      Siobhan

      Reply
      1. Margaret Avatar
        Margaret

        So very true!

    2. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      So, did yours die this year too? I wonder if something happened to cause it. That flower bed doesn’t have the best drainage, and we had those nasty atmospheric rivers that may have rotted the roots. Who knows? I can’t do anything about it now. Yes indeed, jobs and houses are huge decisions and add their own stresses to an already fraught daily life. In my opinion, your advice to your son was excellent but adult children have their own way of thinking.

      Reply
      1. Jay Avatar
        Jay

        I’m still not sure. I thought maybe a root problem but we had not treated it differently than other years. There’s a conspiracy theory that are fence neighbors did something in their yard that impacted the plant, because some bushes they had are gone now. But you wouldn’t have done that, so I’m back to too dry/wet or both.

      2. Margaret Avatar
        Margaret

        If the problem is related to poor drainage during the floods, there was little I could have done about that, so I’m at peace with the demise. Perhaps it was just its time?

  4. Kay's Musings Avatar
    Kay’s Musings

    I’m so sorry your rhododendron plant is dying. That’s really frustrating not knowing how to save it.
    And I’m sorry for the stresses your daughters and yourself are going through.
    I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will all work out in the end.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      It’s definitely dying or dead; I’m not sure how long to wait before having it pulled out. I’m sad about its loss. I intend to just take one day at a time and TRY not to worry too much. HAHA, easier said than done!

      Reply
  5. AC Avatar
    AC

    Cute baby, pretty flowers, and one po’d cat. 😄

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      She’s very jumpy right now–afraid I’m going to give her the daily transdermal medication (in her ear) or put her in the cat carrier.

      Reply
  6. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    That last photo of baby Ian is so amazing. His eyes are beautiful. We have a huge rhododendron bush outside one of our windows, and it has grown so much that it is beginning to block the view out of the window. The blooms this year have been the best that they have been in a long time. And being a parent is a life time job! Never a dull moment.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Ian does have gorgeous eyes! He’s a very smiley guy too, absolutely adorable. Rhodies grow fast; I’ve needed to have mine trimmed a number of times. What color is yours? I love the two-toned ones and my orangish coral Old Copper. Right now, I’m leaning away from getting another rhododendron though.

      Reply
  7. Pixie Avatar
    Pixie

    Why would your younger daughter buy a house when she has your rental to live in? I’m pretty sure you give her a good deal on the rent. She’ll now have to deal with upkeep and taxes, as well as her mortgage. I’m also guessing that she doesn’t make a ton of money. Frustrating indeed.
    As for your older daughter, I kind of admire her willingness to let the universe provide. Nobody needs a toxic workplace, but there are bills too. It’s a difficult balancing act.
    You can look up brown leaves on rhododendron to see what’s causing the problem. It may or may not recover.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I do give her a great deal on rent–but it’s a small house (2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom) and on a very noisy, busy street. I’ve mentioned the downsides to owning a house: the constant projects and repair, the mortgage, property taxes and insurance, etc. I don’t really understand OD’s leave or how that affects her job. I doubt that she will want to go back to it but she needs to do something. I doubt that the rhody will recover. There’s some test to see if it’s still alive (scratching on the trunk) but I’m still not sure what I’m seeing.

      Reply
  8. Siobhan Avatar
    Siobhan

    There is I think a particular skill to being a parent of adults
    Siobhan

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’m learning when to keep my mouth shut and how to tactfully tell them of my concerns. YD especially gets defensive. I miss parenting little kids. Big ones are more of a worry.

      Reply
  9. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    Ian has the biggest blue eyes, doesn’t he?!

    I think the rhodies in your close-ups have some kind of pest. Those spotty leaves definitely look weird, but it doesn’t seem to have harmed their blooming. I have no idea what happened to Old Copper! That’s such a shame! I bet you could order a replacement online more easily nowadays if you want to go that route.

    Big news about the daughters. Hope it all works out!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      He does have huge blue eyes; I’m not sure they’ll stay blue though. Anders very blue eyes changed to green sometime between 1-2 years old. I don’t worry too much about the rhodies at my rental, but I sure wish Old Copper hadn’t died. Now I have TOO many decisions to make: how long to wait to see if it recovers (doubtful), who to hire to pull it out, and what to put in that central location, if anything. The daughters’ issues will work out, possibly not in ways I or they want.

      Reply
  10. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    If you want to attempt to save Old Copper, I can recommend sawing the main stock to the ground. It might sprout and come back in a much small version. I do this when the deer eat my rhododendrons and they do re-emerge. Plus, this method does not disturb the nearby plantings. I also do not mind low-to-the ground compact, mounded rhododendrons.
    OD has made a great decision regarding the job. In a few months she can re-evaluate.
    Buying a home is a big decision and commitment. I hope it all works out for YD.
    It is a bit disappointing/surprising that the cousins are not included in the B-day party. Why couldn’t they just come for cake and not the snakes/insects?
    Ian and Anders are looking great. They are very sweet boys.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      That’s a great suggestion. I hate to completely give up on the plant, especially if there is still some life in her somewhere. OD’s health was being negatively impacted by the job and the people she worked with, so I would rather her quit than continue in that environment. It was horrible. I hope the house works out for YD too; she better not complain much to me because I won’t be very sympathetic! I was surprised that the cousins weren’t invited either; it’s been what we’ve done for kid birthday parties for years, so it was an unpleasant and unexpected turn of events.

      Reply
  11. kayak woman Avatar
    kayak woman

    Ugh to the birthday party situation. I think if I were caught in that, I would apologize to those who might be hurt for misunderstanding the situation, even though it also sounds like you weren’t provided with all the details. I mean I’d put it all on me. We threw a few big birthday parties (not every year though) but I was glad when that era was over.

    Reply
    1. kayak woman Avatar
      kayak woman

      P.S. When I wrote that comment I was not remembering that Anders and Ian are in the area. We never had any cousins in town so never had to think about that.

      Reply
      1. Margaret Avatar
        Margaret

        We all live within 25 minutes of each other. YD’s new place will be about 20 minutes away so it will be a bit farther for me. (right now she lives 5 minutes away)

    2. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I will put it on me, but I think YD will see through that. OD does make a production out of birthdays which John criticizes. (and I don’t like him doing that!) He doesn’t approve of parties, except family ones, and his younger daughter isn’t into them either, although with her autistic “home-schooled” older daughter, there wouldn’t be any friends to invite anyway. I’ve made sure to let him know that my dad, much as I loved him, also wasn’t into birthdays or parties. Perhaps because he grew up during the Depression? Anyway, I always wanted a party, not a big one, just an acknowledgement of my special day. As a summer birthday, I never got cupcakes in class either. My message to John was that sometimes you do what is memorable or fun for the other person and it might not be in your own comfort zone!

      Reply
  12. Betty Renfroe Avatar
    Betty Renfroe

    I am always sad when a plant I live dies. I had a dogwood at my old house that died. I mourned.

    I hope OD finds a job she likes better. I bet the birthday will be a memorable one.

    May is a happy month.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’m sad too but even worse is that I have no idea what to do. (or if it’s a complete goner) I hope OD can find a better job that fits her skills. She’s no bureaucrat, not manipulative or competitive (more collaborative in a non-collaborative job) and works better with people who are logical, organized and kind. The group she deals with now are mainly NOT. May is bringing us spectacular weather!

      Reply
  13. ceci Avatar
    ceci

    Rhododendrons do really well here (Virginia) EXCEPT there is a blight they get that makes them more susceptible to pests and supposedly that makes the place where the sick/dead one was planted not hospitable to another one. My dad was a big rhododendron fan and little snippets of lore stick with me. Maybe not replace this year and do a bit of wandering around nurseries and talking to a local Master Gardener? Or just splash out with a bunch more annuals!

    The birthday party situation sounds unpleasant indeed and yes hurt feelings on the horizon.

    Ceci

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      They do really well here too, except when they suddenly don’t. That’s interesting about the blight, and I don’t intend to make any decisions about what to put in there for a while. I don’t want to jump right into something and then regret it. I’m hoping that I don’t have to explain the birthday party snafu to Younger daughter. Really not my job.

      Reply
  14. Luftmentsch Avatar
    Luftmentsch

    I can see why YD wants to own property, but that may be a cultural thing as owning property is more normal here than elsewhere. I’m glad we own (not a house though, couldn’t afford that!), despite the problems that entails.

    I’m glad Anders and Ian’s father is involved with them again.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’m 100% sure that he’ll disappear again; it’s his pattern and YD doesn’t help by trying to make him into someone he’s not. As I’ve reminded her (and not made myself popular), he takes Anders Sunday-Wednesday daycare drop off and now has also started taking Ian Sunday through Tuesday daycare pickup. Having both kids is a lot. I can clearly see how much Anders loves his dad. My late husband adored his daughters, but he was a self-employed workaholic and not home much. I did mostly everything, as well as having a full-time job. YD doesn’t appreciate what her boys’ father does enough, in my opinion. Do both of them need to grow up and get along for their children’s sake? YES.

      Reply
  15. Siobhan Avatar
    Siobhan

    There is a particular skill that comes when our children become adults – I read a book that described it as walking on eggshells . It’s a tough balance .Like you I will always love my children without conditions- but I ponder some of their decisions, probably as they do mine .
    This was a very thought provoking post
    Siobhan

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Yes, walking on eggshells–not sure how much or little to say or do. The decision making of my younger daughter is particularly problematic. Although I would like to write light-hearted and funny posts, I seem to always go off into deeper waters.

      Reply
  16. J Avatar
    J

    Old Copper was beautiful, I’m glad you have a nice picture to remember it by.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I have a ridiculous number of photos of her. Not as many as I have of Mount Rainier though; John makes fun of me for that. 🙂

      Reply
  17. Tonya Avatar
    Tonya

    That is so sad about Old Copper! So sudden! Root rot sounds plausible, but also some kind of weevil or disease? The Big Chop could be a good solution, but if you decide to remove it and consider planting something else there, I can totally picture one of those dwarf weeping cherry trees. (Google it). They are beautiful! Either that or a lace leaf maple, which would look silly and small for a few years, but I love it when they get established and mound. They can get really big! We have one here we planted about 7 years ago and it’s looking gorgeous.

    Definitely stressful decisions your daughters have made, but I’m hoping they end up being good ones, and maybe even strategic. Buying a house is a good way to build “wealth” for the future. Yes, lots of headaches and expense, so I’m hoping she’s up for it. And I have to admire OD because there were a few toxic jobs I had where I would have LOVED to be able to do just that. But I was chicken. (Like you said, bills, etc.)

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’m pondering what to do and don’t want to rush into anything. I have a lace leaf maple in the front already but am intrigued by the dwarf weeping cherry tree idea. I need to look into that! I can’t worry too much about things I can’t control although I STILL DO. It’s annoying!

      Reply
  18. Anne Bennett Avatar
    Anne Bennett

    Egads. Motherhood never ends, huh? Those grandboys are such dolls!

    Reply

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