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Baggage

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by

Margaret

My maternal grandfather, shown here at Easter when he was quite young, would celebrate his 118th birthday today. Sadly, I never knew my Nana very well; I was only 4 when she died. But grandpa was charismatic, infuriating, charming, temperamental, demanding and hilarious. I loved him dearly, in spite of my mother’s stories about growing up with a mercurial father. He was a dentist who made drama over me refusing to floss my teeth. I still don’t. An innocent post about his birthday last year caused an estrangement from a cousin who had a very different experience with him. It’s been 40 years since he died, yet she still carries so much baggage. Since I’m 10 years older than this cousin, I’m sure my experience with Grandpa was better than hers, yet her reaction was OVER THE TOP. Unfriending, really? Are we in junior high?

As for my last post about friendships, we all have varied needs for companionship and socialization. I’m no extrovert, but I do like being around people (37 years of teaching), going out to coffee dates and Happy Hours and having “dates” on my calendar. I’m not married and don’t live with anyone, so that influences my attitude toward friendships and maintaining them. I’m not lonely and I do have my cat…sitting right next to me at the moment. But I easily could isolate myself (it’s less stressful sometimes) and also could withdraw from the complexities of the world. I choose not to.

On a very hot day, our last one for a while, Mari is relaxing in the sun–from the heat pumped and comfortable family room. She’s so spoiled!

Isn’t Ian something else? He’s such a personable baby.

This week I’ve been going out to Older Daughter’s to spend time with those grandsons. Here, OD was helping Sharky do a coil pot. She’s extremely artistic and doesn’t mind mess. I wasn’t the greatest parent for her although I did try. Her dad was much more her vibe. Now that she’s nearly 40, I consider her another close friend. Note: Her ’80s themed party is coming up soon, so I’ll have to figure out my complete outfit. Due to the drop in temperature, leg warmers are definitely in!

Book Club today included only four people and we 100% disliked the book. Yet, we had an excellent discussion about cults, teaching and teachers, fascism and other personal events and feelings that I won’t share here. And the ice cream bars on a 93-degree day were very fitting!

Comments

26 responses to “Baggage”

  1. Doug M Avatar
    Doug M

    That’s such a great picture of your grandparents, and I vaguely recall the recent drama you had over him. So unreal! Meanwhile, OD is such a great mom but Margaret you’ve been there for your kids and grandkids 110%. And I confess, I can’t get enough of Baby Ian’s sparkle! He is a joy 😊

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I love that photo, but my cousin sure didn’t! She’s got some issues that she really ought to work out; I’m not sad that she’s out of my life because I don’t want to deal with her 40-year-old baggage, even if I could. I’ve been there for my kids but often wasn’t the parent that either daughter needed or deserved. I guess that’s normal. He does have a sparkle, doesn’t he? Such a cutie pie!

      Reply
  2. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    Dear Margaret, little Ian and Mari are adorable. The photo of your grandparents is beautiful. I didn’t know any of my grandparents because they died before I was born or when I was very little. So the only grandparent I remember is my grandmother on my mother’s side. However, she died when I was 7 or 8 so my memories of her are not very vivid.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Thank you, Linda! I knew the other three grandparents although I don’t remember my paternal grandmother very well. She died of cancer when I was in my early teens. My maternal grandfather died when I was 30 so he was the most familiar to me. I hope I live long enough so that my grandsons have many good memories of me.

      Reply
  3. AC Avatar
    AC

    I don’t remember my maternal grandmother at all. She died when I was 2. My paternal grandmother lived until I was in my mid teens. The grandfathers were both in between, dying when I was 10. I’ve liked being a grandfather. We had a lot of time with them when they were young. They are pretty busy living their lives now.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      You are an excellent grandfather! I’m thinking that now is my best time to be with them; they’ll get busy too and not as interested in hanging out with me.

      Reply
  4. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    As someone who enjoys being alone, I force myself to “get out there”. Now that I am retired, it is very easy to become a homebody, but I don’t. The memoir class I am taking really forces this introvert to be around people and to converse.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I enjoy being alone too–perhaps as a contrast to the noisy chaos of school. When my husband died, that was a level of aloneness that was more difficult to handle. Like you, I forced myself to get out there and to not say no to invitations and get togethers. I love the stories of your memoir class and the people you’re meeting. Do you think you’ll take another class?

      Reply
      1. Michael Avatar
        Michael

        Yes, I am actually going to sign up for the fall semester. A lot of the people in the class that I am in now have taken the class at least six times!

      2. Margaret Avatar
        Margaret

        That’s great to hear! I’m very tempted to look around my area for a similar class.

  5. Pipe Tobacco Avatar
    Pipe Tobacco

    Unfortunately being the youngest of parents who took were the youngest…… meant a wide range of ages. My Dad would be 103 this Fall, and my Mom would have been 99 on her next birthday. I never knew any of my grandparents (other than from stories of course) as they all died in the late 40s and early 1950s before I was born. My grandparents would be ~ 140 years old now with I believe all of them having been born sometime in the 1880s.

    I wish I would have known them. I always envied friends who had grandparents, some of whom who were not a whole lot different in age from my own parents.

    On the book universally disliked by your club…… I would enjoy hearing what you did not like about it. I have NOT read it, but I had always heard good things about it and it was on a list I have of potential books I had heard were “worthwhile” reads.

    PipeTobacco

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I do feel fortunate to have known three of my four grandparents so well. I didn’t see them frequently since they lived “east of the mountains” and the trip over the mountain passes could be challenging in the winter. My brother was like you; he didn’t know our grandparents much at all (except my mom’s dad) because he was born so much later than I was. We retired teachers in my Book Club found the book dated, bizarre and offensive. Miss Jean Brodie was a real piece of work! She admired Mussolini and Hitler and ran her own little cult of girls whom she indoctrinated, even so far as encouraging one girl to have sex with a married teacher that Miss Brodie was in love with but couldn’t have. It’s a short book; you should read it and let me know what you think of it.

      Reply
  6. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    Your photo of your grandparents reminds me of some I have of my own grandparents — probably from a similar time period. I remember that kerfuffle with your cousin. It’s interesting what triggers some people.

    Was “Miss Jean Brodie” simply dated? What didn’t you like about it?

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I think it was taken about 1930? I treasure that photo. Cousin L is 59 years old, and this is the first I’ve heard of her antipathy for grandpa. I’m wondering if she’s having some sort of mid-life crisis. Miss Jean Brodie is dated and offensive. She’s a terrible teacher and person in many ways. It’s only 170 pages; you should read it and let me know what you think!

      Reply
  7. JT Twissel Avatar
    JT Twissel

    I didn’t spent much time with my grandparents growing up and so I’m willing to accept that my cousins (who did) saw them in a completely different light. My husband who’s older than me, used to be great with children; now they upset him. Sorry about the unfriending – as we get older, the one cousin I have and am close to is very important to me.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      My grandfather was in poor health the last 8 years or so of his life (congestive heart failure). He died when I was 30, so my cousin was 20. I spent a lot of time with him as a young child and as an adult whereas Cousin L. didn’t. However, she didn’t let me explain any of that to her, just lambasted me for saying anything positive about him. I’ve never sugarcoated the dark sides of who he was; when I knew him though, he WAS funny and quirky, telling amazing stories that had me transfixed. He also was a Man Baby and could be very self-absorbed and temperamental. None of us is just one thing. I’m envious of your close relationship with your cousin; I’m not close to any of mine although I really like my paternal ones. Unfortunately, they live too far away.

      Reply
  8. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar
    Wakinguponthewrongsideof

    I’m assuming the book didn’t age well?

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      You can say that again! My book club friends are all retired teachers, and we were offended and outraged by the actions and attitudes of Miss Jean Brodie. Thankfully, it was only 170 pages.

      Reply
  9. Maureen Avatar
    Maureen

    It’s nice to remember our ancestors and their stories. I was lucky enough to have them all into my twenties and I cherish the time spent with them. I’ve been a bit of loner lately and on purpose. I just spent the day in my garden which is such a peaceful and productive activity. As long as I balance it with socializing here and there, all is well. I think all your grandsons are a bit sparkly!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      How wonderful that your grandparents are still alive in your memories! I wish I’d known my mom’s mother; according to everyone, she was a loving and fabulous person. My mother revered her. I am fine being alone, just not all the time or for long periods. From what I read on your blog, the two of us balance social time with solitude in healthy ways.

      Reply
  10. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    You have fond memories of your grandparents and the photo of them is a treasure.
    Remembering relatives no longer with us (for me) keeps them alive in our hearts and minds.
    Ian looks so healthy and happy. He’s a growing boy with a winning smile.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I love that picture of my grandparents! I don’t have many of them. Photography was hard back then and only for special occasions. Some of the photos have been lost over the years or damaged. Ian is such a cheerful little guy!

      Reply
  11. Tonya Avatar
    Tonya

    That is a great picture of your grandparents. While poking around on Ancestry a few years ago, I found a similar (but I think “professional”) photo of my paternal GREAT-grandparents that I cherish! They were a beautiful young couple, and I still find the photo fascinating, especially since it’s a relatively new discovery.

    I admire OD and her openness to making messes! Lol! I have always had an aversion to having dirty/messy/gooey hands, which is why I would never enjoy pottery, baking, or gardening (except gloves makes that do-able.)

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I have very few photos of Nana because she died young, at 51. We have the same aversion! I hate having gooey or sticky stuff on my hands. If I do, I often forget about it and get it everywhere else, like on my clothing and in my hair.

      Reply
  12. kayak woman Avatar
    kayak woman

    Mom’s bio mom died in a car crash when she was 15 so I never knew her. I grew up 8 blocks away from dad’s parents so I knew them well into their old age. Mom’s dad married a wonderful woman a year or so before I was born (mom was in her early 30s). Bolette was a wonderful [step]-grandmother to me. I don’t think all my cousins agreed. I didn’t figure out until I was well into adulthood that, especially when you have a large cousin age-span (20 for us), not all cousins experience their grandparents in the same way. but my dad’s parents in particular were always kind to all of us.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I wish that my cousin had figured that out. 10 years is a long time when you’re older and declining health. I have very mixed memories of my step grandmother but at the end, she left my family lots of money which was kind of her. She didn’t need to, since we weren’t related by blood.

      Reply

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