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Thinking About…

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We’ve gone (temporarily) into full-on winter and it’s sapped my energy. As I write this, it’s nearly 1 p.m. and I’m still in my bathrobe. That sometimes happens when I have no tasks or dates; however, there are always projects that could be done around here. I’m not great at forcing myself to do them, unfortunately.

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It was chilly at Sharky’s T-ball game; he fought not to go, but once he arrived, he had an excellent time. Last year, it was mostly picking daisies in the field and running the wrong way or not at all whereas now the kids are a bit more advanced. It was hilarious when three outfielders got into a scrum on the ground, wrestling over the ball; one boy was bonked in the head in the melee. So, there is still that entertainment! I was proud of Sharky for asking the coach if he could play first base where there’s way more action. I watched him tag the base (not sure of the term) and then throw home–or attempt to. His arm isn’t the strongest but is improving. Although he loves swimming and enjoys soccer, he only plays T-ball because their neighbor and close friend is one of the coaches. I doubt that he’ll stay with it, so I’m always eager to catch a game when possible.

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I found this past photo of Old Copper when she was healthy; it made me sad. Part of me feels guilty that I don’t want another rhododendron in that spot. But changes happen. Or is it excrement happens?

In spite of being partially pulled out (hey, it looked dead), my dianthus continues to thrive. Because of the rain and cooler weather, I haven’t had to water for a while. That’s a good/bad thing since yard work gets me dressed and outside. According to the forecast, it will be under 65 degrees for Sharky’s birthday party which means that the snakes and other critters will have to be inside. Older Daughter was dreading that. The decision to hire the Snake Man wasn’t up to me; I would’ve found a snake cake and snake themed items without LIVE ANIMALS. OD will make the cake from scratch, along with an edible snake. She’s been experimenting this week; sometimes I wonder…is she really my child? LOL

In kid news, Anders kicked a teacher today; I don’t know why or how badly but Younger Daughter is shaken and concerned about the situation. We think he’s ADHD and possibly somewhat on the spectrum; he lives in two households, has a newish baby brother and loving although problematic parents. YD wants my advice and I have none to give. Does he know he’s not supposed to hit or kick? Yes. Does he still get upset and lash out? Also, yes. I would probably encourage him to take out his feelings in a different way, even if that involved hitting a pillow instead of a person. However, the daycare probably just wants no kicking or hitting of any kind, so I won’t suggest that. I will tell YD that Obro was a biter (he’s better) and that part of it might be Anders’ age and stage. I don’t want to minimize or ignore behaviors though…no easy answers here, eh? Just a lot of head scratching.

Watching: I’ve finished the disappointing “Great American Baking Show,” mainly because Paul and Prue are the judges. It was obvious who would win from the first couple episodes and the American version is lacking the charm of the British version. Now it’s on to the second season of “The Chestnut Man” although I’ve read that it’s nowhere near the quality of the first season. I’ll also watch “Remarkably Bright Creatures” because I like Sally Field. I’ve never read the book, which is apparently a tearjerker. Or perhaps I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment to get upset over a film.

It’s past time to go for a walk…with an umbrella and raincoat.

Comments

30 responses to “Thinking About…”

  1. Tonya Avatar

    I absolutely loved Remarkable Bright Creatures (both the book and the movie), and yes it is a tear jerker in places, but “the good kind.” Does that make sense? I don’t want to give anything away. I think you’d enjoy it, and Sally Field is wonderful.

    I do think very young kids lashing out (bite, kick, hit, etc.), is pretty normal (probably especially for boys?) I’ve known of some daycares with a zero tolerance policy, after maybe one or two warnings, which always made me nervous. I think Nate bit a kid when he was 2, and I was a wreck that it might happen again. He never did it at home, but I think the constant stimulation of being around other little kids tends to bring on frustrations. Hopefully his daycare does time-outs, or separates the kids to a quiet area for a while. There is probably a Berenstein Bears book that addresses it! (Those often were helpful!)

    I know we need the rain, but I’m feeling poopy about it. Hope it gets itself out of its system soon so we can once again have Technicolor out there!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I think I would like the film but knowing that my emotions will be intense can be tricky when I’m in a “poopy mood”–a very apt description, T! This daycare is Christian based, and they don’t really do consequences except talking (to my knowledge); a nearly 3-year-old isn’t going to understand cause and effect. As I’ve told YD, the action happens there, so they need to deal with it; by the time Anders gets home, most of what she says or does won’t be effective. 3-year-old brains aren’t the same as adult brains!
      Note: that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t address the issue at home, just that it’s too far removed from the actual event.

  2. Pipe Tobacco Avatar
    Pipe Tobacco

    Hah! The weather you report is sadly the norm here still a lot of the time. We fluctuate a lot.

    Did Sharky not want to go because of not liking T-ball or because it was cold?

    I am sorry about Ander’s incident. Hopefully it is just a brief stage and perhaps gently talking more about good behavior would help? When my youngest son was in Daycare, he would sometimes bite when frustrated. It caused us so much anxiety, but we were fortunate that our talking to him seemed to make it stop after a couple of weeks.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I go out walking in most weather but without my outdoor routines (watering, checking my plants), I’m a little at a loss. Sharky likes to push the limits sometimes. I was there, it was cold out, he would rather play with elderly grandma, etc. I’m hoping that the stage won’t last long; I don’t want him kicked out of daycare! I’m sure YD will talk to him although I’m also about strategies for emotional management. I don’t know the daycare’s policy on those and they’re the ones who have to deal with it when it occurs.

  3. Linda Avatar

    Beautiful photos, Margaret!!!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Thanks, Linda. Not as many as usual because of the nasty weather.

  4. Pixie Avatar

    Sorry you’ve having a shit day. Your dianthus is beautiful.

    There are worse things than kicking a teacher. He’s only three? What I learned with both Katie and Jack is that all behavior is communication. I would agree that he’s having a hard time because of his parents and their living situation, plus a new brother. His whole world has been turned upside down and now your daughter wants to move to. That’s not going to help. Three year olds need stability and predictability and he doesn’t have that. I imagine he gets anxious and acts out.

    Sometimes a good cry is what’s needed. Just saying. Sending hugs sweetie.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      You’re right–I think it will get worse when they move. YD is prepared for that, if anyone actually can be. That dianthus is so hardy! I had a purple one too, but my husband thought it was dead during the winter and pulled it out. I was so mad! I’m sure the activity, noise and other kid behaviors don’t help Anders feel calm. Every time I step into that place, my stress level shoots up!

  5. Doug M Avatar
    Doug M

    Arrgh, I’m envious! I love Sally Field, and I’d love to see her octopus movie–but I simply will not sign up for Netflix again anytime soon. Margaret, we’ve had similar cool temps all this week here in Pgh, but personally I like them. We’re supposed to hit the 90s starting Monday :^( Speaking of sad, I was sadly surprised to read that about Anders. He seems like such a gentle little guy. I pray it’s some kind of phase and short-lived. Sharky looked terrific and I hope you got your walk in. :^)

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I would invite you over to watch it, Doug, but you live too far away! I don’t mind 60s but low 50s is cold this time of year. (or it feels that way) None of the boys is gentle although they all can be. As I learned in sociology classes (and life), kids and adults act differently in different instances and in a variety of groups. In daycare, Anders is around a lot of noise, activity and other influences. The first time I hung out with my husband and his guy buddies, I was shocked. “Who ARE you?” 🙂

  6. AC Avatar

    We have pretty well cued up Chestnut Man 2.
    So now I have to look up cue vs queue.
    …
    OK. Apparently either worked in this case. You cue it as in set it to start, or you queue it as in put it in a line to play.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Did you watch the first season? It was quite gory and suspenseful, but very well-done. I learned something new; I always use queue in that instance.

  7. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    It is cold and light rain in MA too. No sunshine and cold air is not comfortable.
    The sunshine is returning for the weekend. Yay!
    Sweet Anders is experiencing some frustration which I think causes some acting out. Hopefully the school has a set method for addressing the issue. Contacting the parents is step one.
    I’ll share my son’s behaviors: At age 3, my son did bite a little girl at day care. The very next week she gave him a good bite. No blood but teeth marks were involved. The kids became good playmates. As Moms, we took them with us to a Chinese restaurant (when our husbands were on business trips) and they both loved horseback riding. When my son came to day care one morning this same little girl told him: I like your haircut. The bite seemed to be a one and done incident.
    My son and his best friend also defied the day care owner/teacher. Running in the opposite direction when being called inside.
    My son at Concord Academy Summer camp refused to get out of the swimming pool and a swim instructor had to jump into the water to retrieve him. (I got a call at work.) Boys can be defiant. My son was defiant even with rules and structure at home.
    Thank goodness he was not expelled from anything!
    By age 6-7 the acts of defiance disappeared.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Thank you, Susan! Your wise words really help and give me some perspective on all of this. I talked to my daughter about the episode and he didn’t kick out of anger which would’ve been very worrisome but just randomly kicked and thought it was funny. It’s been explained to him that we don’t do that. My younger daughter, Anders’ mother, was very defiant at home, but absolutely perfect around other adults and at school. So, this is new to me.

  8. Jay Avatar
    Jay

    The cold and rain combination has kept me indoors more than I like. I’m ready for a bit warmer weather. My ideal is rain at night and not during the day. Then I wouldn’t need to water and can enjoy my daytime activities with fewer outerwear requirements.
    I think most kids have unacceptable behavior at least occasionally. Sometimes I think they’re just experimenting to see what happens and how it feels. For true upsets I liked Mr. Rogers take on the big feelings, and what you can do. He talks about making choices.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Much as I loved my dad, he didn’t like big feelings, especially anger so I learned young to find ways to deal with emotions. (mostly in healthy ways) OD and family were at a Rainiers game last night; the weather was SO miserable.

  9. Michael Avatar

    Wow, it sure is much cooler where you are. We are going to hit 90 degree temperatures early next week. Yesterday the high was 77, and it was wonderful. I have heard such good things about the Sally Field movie and it is on my list to watch. The problem is that I don’t watch much TV, so I will have to set aside some time to do so. I know it must be disconcerting to you about Anders. But reading through the comments, I think Pixie is right. There are a lot of changes coming to this little guy and he is probably dealing with it in a way that a little one does.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I love 70s! (not 90s though) I thought the film was good, a little Hallmark-y, but also heartwarming with likeable characters. Anders is a sweet little guy most of the time, so it’s worrisome when he kicks or hits. However, he’s also 2, nearly 3 and that’s a very ROUGH age. I would have given away my daughters on the street corner some days. 🙂

  10. Steve Avatar

    I remember my father spanked me when I was little and kicked our babysitter. I was probably older than Anders is now — five or so? He may grow out of it!

    We’re having wintry conditions here too, supposedly down to 40º F tonight! Brrrrr!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Wow, that’s even colder than here! I realized this morning that I had my “cool mode” on my thermostat and the house was chilly. I don’t know how that happened. Now it’s on auto. Kicking and hitting (and biting) aren’t unusual but it’s embarrassing and worrisome when our children do it.

  11. addofio Avatar

    I wish I had some words of wisdom for you about Anders, but I got nuthin’. I knew some 1st grade teachers who were absolutely brilliant at helping kids learn to understand and deal with their intense feelings in positive ways. Part of the reason I admired them so much is that I was never good at it. But zero-tolerance for pre-school age kids? Yikes.

    Hopefully you’ll like the movie. At the very least, it’s visually gorgeous. For me, it was better than the book, which I liked a lot. Sally Fields was the perfect person for the role. A few tough spots to get through, and perhaps bittersweet at the end, but more sweet than bitter.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      Both daughters, especially OD, work hard on strategies to handle big emotions; I admire them for that. I was clueless as a parent in too many ways. 20-20 hindsight, right? I did like the movie but wish I’d read the book first. It probably wouldn’t be as meaningful now.

  12. J Avatar

    Oh goodness, that’s cold for May, right? Brrr.

    I’m sorry about Anders kicking the teacher. I wish I had some good advice. My mom got us one of those punching clowns when we were kids, but that was the late 60s and I don’t know if it helped anything or not.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      It sure is! Today was torrential rain and hail but the weather will improve next week. Kids do inexplicable things sometimes (for various reasons, some they don’t even know) and we have to deal with their behavior in the ways we feel are best. I have no clue! Neither one of my girls were kickers or hitters. The younger one was a biter for a brief and painful time.

  13. Luftmentsch Avatar

    I think Nephew was a biter, but, then, E and I think he may have ADHD too. How much does Anders see his father at the moment? He needs a male role model.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      He sees the boys quite a bit (especially Anders) but that will be changing. He got a fulltime job, and the hours mean that YD will carry the brunt of the parenting.

  14. kayak woman Avatar

    Oh my gosh. My girls were such goody two-shoes (shy, when young) that I never really received any of those calls. The older one was once caught doing something “illegal” on the playground, following a group of other, bolder girls. She feigned illness to stay home that afternoon, which I didn’t quite catch but I think the teacher did. No further punishment for that though, I think the teacher gave her some grace for not being a regular trouble-maker. Good luck to YD.

    P.S. My husband and his ID twin were holy terrors at home and at school and were forever getting in trouble with the nuns. “C’mere so I can hit you.” LOL! In the middle of 10 siblings, I don’t think their parents got all that stressed out.

    1. Margaret Avatar

      I was a goody two shoes but my brother after me got into some trouble–not until junior high though. Both daughters were generally very well-behaved. 2-3 is a difficult age under the best of circumstances. We’ll handle it the best we can.

  15. Midwest Mark Avatar

    Sometimes, still wearing a bathrobe at 1 p.m. is a win!

    1. Margaret Avatar

      It doesn’t feel like it! 😂

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