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Losing Track of Time

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by

Margaret

The longer I’m retired, the hazier my hold is on times and dates. The days all seem to blend into one another! And as for holidays? They creep up on me, like Memorial Day this weekend. As I’ve mentioned before, as a classroom teacher for 37 years, I knew every day off or celebration. Halloween and Valentine’s Day were particularly difficult. The lead up to long breaks was also a trial. Memorial Day had a LOT going against it: nicer weather (usually) and close to the end of the school year. There were many years where the students acted like wild animals on crack. So, when Midwest Mark asked in his latest post what our plans for Memorial Day weekend were, I thought, “WHAT?” Tomorrow I’ll be going to the Museum of Flight with John since his pass expires at the end of May. Have I mentioned how much my guy LOVES airplanes and anything space related? Also the missile that he worked on for Boeing is in the museum. Being with John is like having my own personal guide to everything in that place! After the museum visit, we’ll head to Georgetown for lunch and then end our outing at a plant nursery. Although I hate to shop, nurseries, bookstores and (sadly) bakeries are favorites of mine, as an official senior citizen old lady. 🙂

My oldest grandson is now SIX. This photo is when I first got to hold him in July 2020 after a two-week quarantine in New York. I was originally supposed to fly back east for his birth in May, but my daughter was concerned about the threat of Covid, high at the time with many unknowns. I was broken-hearted. The wait was definitely worth it though. Two-month-old Sharky was a delight!

And here’s my youngest grandson, sweet Ian. He’s mostly a happy baby although he’s NOT a good sleeper. My mom claimed that I was terrible and didn’t sleep through the night until I was two. I also didn’t sleep in cars–still don’t. 🙂

I found this picture of my late friend Liora who died recently; I’m fairly certain that she took her own life. We had met up in Los Angeles for a delicious breakfast and an excellent conversation while my older daughter was working on her dissertation defense. Over the years Liora had reached out to me with her struggles and asked for advice, but not recently. With suicide, there’s always some guilt and I’m trying not to blame myself for not doing more.

On another note, in most photos, I’m the “short one.” And getting shorter every year…

Comments

42 responses to “Losing Track of Time”

  1. Betty Renfroe Avatar
    Betty Renfroe

    My friend of 50 years lost her daughter to suicide. Mary was 92 when it happened. She told me by saying~~Jennie chose to end her life. She brought Mary her Corgi and told Mary she was having leg surgery. Mary was a very intelligent lady. When this happened, just the surgery story sounded strange. It was winter. Jenny walked out on ice into Beaver lake. She fell through and drowned wearing only her night gown. Mary lived only a year. She had no will to go on. I knew Jenny and her mother. It was so sad. Still makes we wish we could have helped her. She left note so there was no doubting what occurred.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I don’t think you ever get over the guilt and sometimes anger at the person. Later on comes understanding and empathy for what they must’ve been going through. I still have those feelings even decades after my brother’s suicide. I feel awful for your friend though. At her age, what a horrible thing to have to deal with! I’m not surprised that she didn’t feel like continuing after that. 😢

      Reply
  2. Doug M Avatar
    Doug M

    This is ironic as just an hour or so ago, I got one of those supermarket flyers in my mailbox for Memorial Day Savings this weekend, and it really threw me. I thought May just got here?? Anyway Margaret, your outing tomorrow sounds like fun I’m looking forward to the photos. Loved the pics of your boys too. That last one gave me a sad chill. How awful. Was she married? Was that her husband or another friend? I am very sorry and of course you can’t take any blame. 😔

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I agree, Doug! It does feel like May just got here. The months are rushing by. I don’t know how many pictures I’ll take tomorrow. I’ve been to the museum twice before and really like it, but it’s mostly just flying vehicles of one sort or another. I always feel like I should have done more. And I definitely would have, had I known her state of mind. The man in the photo is her toxic ex-boyfriend by the way. He was the root of many of her issues, as well as her fundamentalist parents.

      Reply
  3. Marie Avatar
    Marie

    I am often scrambling to figure out what day of the week it is! And I scheduled a procedure for today, not realizing it was a long weekend (not that it matters). I remember you quarantining for so long! These 6 years have flown by. Cute baby pics! Have fun at the museum!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’ve thought it was Friday all day for some reason. I hope your procedure goes well! We knew so little about Covid and it was killing so many people that my daughter didn’t feel comfortable having me come in May. Sharky has changed a lot yet he still looks the same in many ways. ❤️

      Reply
  4. Linda Avatar
    Linda

    Dear Margaret, Covid certainly did change things a lot…some for good, though. I think your daughter did the right thing as she was looking out for the health of both of you! Your photos are beautiful and heartwarming, as always, dear friend.
    I am short as well. I am 5 feet and one quarter inch tall! LOL! Monday, May 18th, was a holiday here in Canada….Victoria Day. Canada Post doesn’t operate on that day as well as banks, government offices and some companies take that day off.
    Most stores are open, though, and most restaurants as well.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Although we certainly experienced many negatives, there were also positives with Covid. I learned to take long walks and how to comfortably be by myself. I discovered the Great Baking Shows of many countries (including Canada!) and read lots of books. I’m delighted to know someone shorter than I am! I used to be 5’4 and now I’m more like 5’3 so I’m shrinking.

      Reply
  5. JT Twissel Avatar
    JT Twissel

    In retrospect we all see the opportunities we missed to help someone in trouble. I’m certain your friend would not have wanted you to feel guilty. Have a great time at the aviation museum – I’ve been to a few myself and must say, you’re a real sport!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Yes, I can see it (20-20 hindsight) with my brother and now Liora. In my brother’s case, we did try all kinds of interventions, but he just walked away from us and refused help. Liora wrote me several times that she wished that I had been her mother and how lucky my daughters were to have me. That breaks my heart a little. I was dumbfounded by the big planes the first time I went to the airplane museum; standing next to the 747 and the 787 was awe-inspiring. We never get that close to those planes at airports!

      Reply
      1. JT Twissel Avatar
        JT Twissel

        That is rough – I’m so sorry.

  6. Janis @ RetirementallyChallenged.com Avatar
    Janis @ RetirementallyChallenged.com

    I learned that it was Memorial Day weekend from Mark’s post too. Doing much on weekends – especially long ones – are to be avoided when retired. Way too peopley.

    I think suicides happen a lot more often than most people think. Fortunately, it’s being talked about more and help is available. It’s hard not to feel a bit guilty but I’m sure her struggles were more than any one person could have fixed.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Some people who kill themselves leave it unprovable. My cousin’s son’s death was like that. It was an overdose, but he had told his grandfather the day before that he was in a very dark place. So, who knows whether it was accidental or not? It doesn’t change anything anyway. I agree on the overly peopley and wanting to avoid the crowds. I’m even concerned about tomorrow since many people take a four-day weekend.

      Reply
  7. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    It is so sad when a person finds life circumstances difficult/hard and ends their life. A young, very smart, highly educated aeronautical engineer that worked for me asked to meet with me one day. We met and he confided that his new wife left him and he needed to take some time off. I could tell he was distraught but never imagined he would go away and take his own life at age 26. I went to his funeral, and it was equally sad, as he was not buried in the family plot because suicide was frowned upon. Peter was put to rest away from everyone. How very, very sad. As you state, I too, wonder if I could have done more.
    Memorial Day weekend means BBQ for me.
    I ordered Kansas City steak 8 oz. hamburgers and will be firing up the grill.
    Your museum visit and a meal out with John sounds pretty ideal to me.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I can understand your shock; suicide is such a foreign concept to those of us who aren’t depressed or feeling finished with the problems and pain of life. So many people are too good at hiding their intentions or the depth of their distress, like the aeronautical engineer you worked with. Due to my crisis line training, I nearly always ask whether the person is thinking of harming himself/herself and if the answer is yes, have begged them to call me before taking any final steps. It’s been rare that I’ve had to do the latter. I wish I’d done so with Liora. I don’t have a BBQ anymore, so I can’t have one, but we used to regularly. Hope yours goes well with perfectly cooked meat and cooperative weather!

      Reply
  8. Pipe Tobacco Avatar
    Pipe Tobacco

    Suicide is unbelievably difficult and hard as you (and I) can attest. It changes families in so, so many ways. I think an analogy of a cue ball striking a rack of billiard balls is somewhat akin to how it feels. The cue ball is the person who commits suicide and the force and impact of the action is akin to the somewhat identified but still rather random movement of the billiard balls…. Some experience more force than others, but all land in different places than they started. Some remain on the table, some fall into the gutter pocket. The forces take you places the billiard balls to places they did not get to chose where to travel.

    PipeTobacco

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      You’ve perfectly described the impact with your billiards analogy. I tried to take positive steps forward: training for and working on a Crisis Line and attending a Survivors of Suicide support group. My parents fell apart for a while. But my youngest brother was in junior high, so they had to pull themselves together. In my opinion, it made their grieving process worse and take longer. They had to bury their feelings and carry on. I dealt with a lot of the fall out and arrangements which was a lot since I was only 26 at the time.

      Reply
  9. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    I was just thinking the other day that I cannot keep days straight anymore, and I was also surprised that this weekend is Memorial Day weekend. I have had students commit suicide (when they were in high school) after I had them in middle school. So incredibly tragic. I have also had 7th graders hospitalized for mental health issues. And Pipe Tobacco’s analogy of the billiards is spot on.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Looking back, it’s clear how accurate PT’s analogy is for various people in my family who experienced the suicide of a loved one. There have been a number of suicides at my school, but no students that I knew personally. I still can’t believe it’s Memorial Day weekend!

      Reply
  10. Jay Avatar
    Jay

    I was aware of the holiday in advance, just because it played heavily into my younger, still working sister’s working vacation planning. I have tagged along. One of my issues or difficulties is picking up on clues regarding people’s demeanor. I worry what I might miss and try to ask very general feelings.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I’ve been thinking about it a lot and feeling that if others want us to help/support them, it’s also (partly?) their responsibility to let us know how they’re doing. To some extent anyway. John has said to me several times that I can’t hint around about stuff, I have to hit him in the head with it because he’s clueless to subtlety.

      Reply
  11. AC Avatar
    AC

    Ah yes! The getting shorter syndrome.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Normal, eh?

      Reply
  12. Pixie Avatar
    Pixie

    It’s quite funny how two grandsons have so much hair and two grandsons what a lot less hair. Sharky had a full head of hair at two months!

    I’m sorry that your friend died of suicide. I can understand the pain that leads people to make this choice, but I also know the devastation that it leaves behind.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      That daughter had much less hair than the other, so that could be part of it. Ian has some peach fuzz hair, but nowhere near as much as Sharky. I can understand Liora’s decision too. She’d been through a lot, both with her physical and mental health. She had serious financial issues, many problems with her family and trouble making and keeping friends. She saw no future that she wanted to live in.

      Reply
  13. sillygirl Avatar
    sillygirl

    Liora was certainly carrying a heavy load – no wonder she decided to put it all down. Having bleak times in my life I can understand when people see nothing but pain ahead. And Janis is right about more problems than one person could fix.
    I was also shocked there is a holiday in a few days! Too peopled – I agree. I will make sure to stay off the roads.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      She was carrying a load and couldn’t find a way through the bleak times. I just wish I’d known and contacted her. The fact that I was in her effects as someone special to be notified of her death made me sad too. I hope the airplane museum isn’t too crowded!

      Reply
  14. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar
    Wakinguponthewrongsideof

    short is good….

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I always wanted to be 5’6 or 5’7, especially since my brothers were tall. But there are advantages to being short.

      Reply
      1. Wakinguponthewrongsideof Avatar
        Wakinguponthewrongsideof

        not many, but we persevere

  15. Ed Avatar
    Ed

    Both of my girls slept through the night as infants to the point our pediatrician warned us to wake them up and feed them. We never did and they turned out alright. They also both slept well in their car seats in cars. I can’t imagine having neither of those true.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      You got unbelievably spoiled! I would say that in sleeping through the night, your girls were the exception and not the rule. Sleeping in cars is much more common.

      Reply
  16. Steve Avatar
    Steve

    I’m so sorry about Liora. What a shock that must have been. My brother always put his kids in the car and drove around when they wouldn’t sleep, and that did the trick — I’m surprised it never worked on you!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Her death was a shock, and I still feel sick about it. I know my parents wished that the car would put me to sleep, but it never did. Still doesn’t.

      Reply
  17. Midwest Mark Avatar
    Midwest Mark

    I imagine that’s how it is for most retirees (Janis, another retired blogger, essentially left the same comment as you). I know when I was unemployed for a long stretch, keeping track of holidays–and even weekends–was a lot tougher. Hope you enjoy your outing; sounds like fun!

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      It took me several years to lose track of holidays and weekends. Now, with Sharky in school, I need to be much more aware of which days his school has off.

      Reply
  18. Tonya Avatar
    Tonya

    The days blending into each other is so true, and it does make me feel a little better that I’m not the only one who gets a bit muddled about it. Like, wait WHAT? I did SO complete Wordle yesterday, what do you mean I just have a one-day streak now?! Well, obviously I just THOUGHT I’d completed Wordle yesterday. That sensation of time proximity can be fuzzy, especially with daily routines.

    It’s interesting how infant Sharky looks very much as he does today! Many infants morph and change a lot.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      I do think that Sharky looks a lot like himself! Anders has changed a lot, mostly because he was quite premature. Is it our age that makes time go so fast? Is it the nicer weather?

      Reply
  19. Maureen Avatar
    Maureen

    We just had a discussion about the rapid passing of time these days. We all felt that May just started and Memorial Day weekend is already here. We all agreed living in the moment and an attitude of gratitude is a good strategy to deal with the (seeming) acceleration of time.

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      Yes, living in the moment is important; I tend to worry too much about the future. (over which I have little control) When the weather gets nicer and there’s more to do outside and in the yard, time truly does FLY!

      Reply
  20. krueth Avatar
    krueth

    I understand, May just started and now here we are at the end of May and Memorial Weekend is upon us. I’m going with my youngest daughter and her family and my oldest granddaughter shopping about 3 hours away and meeting my oldest daughter there today. Should be fun. It sounds like a fantastic time with John at the Boeing museum for you as well. Enjoy your time. Wendy

    Reply
    1. Margaret Avatar
      Margaret

      What a wonderful family outing! I love time spent with our loved ones; it’s so precious. John and I did have an excellent time. We usually do!

      Reply

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